If you are in a show with me, and you really want to piss me off, there are a couple things you can do.
First, just don’t.
Neither one of us is going to be happy with the results of pissing me off.
But if you must …
Fuck around offstage where I can see you while I’m onstage.
I am not a great actor, but I work very hard to do my best.
If you distract me – especially, if you do it on purpose – I will be furious.
Do pranks during a show is another way to infuriate me.
Enough can go wrong during any live performance without some dildo trying to fuck things up.
It’s not funny.
It’s stupid and mean.
Two things no one should ever aspire to be.
Also, NEVER touch someone else’s props or costumes, unless you have express permission.
They are not toys for you to play with; they are someone else’s tools so they can do their job.
There are two reasons why these things make me so angry.
One is purely selfish. I don’t want you to make me look foolish. I can do that all by myself, thank you very much; and if I do it, I will berate myself. If you do it, I will berate you just as harshly.
Second, the people who are sitting in the audience paid to see the best performance you can provide. Anything you do to make that performance less than it could be, is cheating those people out of what they paid for.
Theater struggles enough financially without you reducing the quality of the performance for your own amusement.
Tickets can be sold or not sold based on a reputation for quality.
So do any of the above, and you are risking the wrath of this Fat Old Lady.
You have been warned.