OMG.  My brain is about to explode.  I just spent the last 2 hours trying to fix, what I thought would be a simple, problem with my Norton (Anti-Virus) account. 

Holy fuck.

All I wanted to do was cancel two parts of my current subscriptions and maintain the main part. 

Sounds simple, right?  Oh, you sweet naïve soul.

This is a computer company and so their website should be easy to use, right?  Such innocence.

I tried calling – you get a computer that rattles off about 12 steps to do what you want to do, and I can assure you that at least the first and second steps do not correspond to anything on the website page.

I tried using chat customer support.  Going fine until they want me to give them a 10-digit verification code which they claim to have sent to my Norton page.  I just have to log into my account to get it.  Except, I’m already fucking logged in and they cannot direct me to where I might find the verification code (!).  Seriously, I asked and they said they couldn’t!  They suggest I use a link they sent me to get to the code – I try the link (several times) “Bad Request” (every fucking time).  Okay.  Do I want them to send the code by another method?  YES.  Text it to me.  No can do.  Email it to me.  No can do.  Is there actually “another” method.  No there is not.  (The screaming in my head notches up.) 

Try calling again.  They want the verification code!  Yes THAT one.  Again, I cannot find anything on the website.  They say go to “Norton.com/verify” – I do – PAGE NOT FOUND. 

Just kill me now.

I just keep yelling at the computer voice, which keeps asking me if there is anything else they can help me with, “Page Not Found” and “There is no code” and finally it relents and transfers me to a human. (Cue the trumpets and angelic chorus).

The human emailed me a 6-digit code.  No problem. (Grrrrrr.)  Transferred me to someone in billing and thank you very much I was able to cancel the 2 redundant parts of my subscription ($140 back in my pocket) and gave me a 30% discount on the main subscription (another $50 back in my pocket).

Jesus, Mary and Joseph riding on a bicycle. 

This is the company that I am supposed to trust with the security of my computer.  And they are the #1 Anti-Virus company out there according to several reviews I looked at (contemplating changing, for some reason – oh I know, their website fucking sucks). 

But mostly I like them because part of their service is automatic back-ups and I have had to go to Norton to retrieve documents that my computer somehow ate (midnight snacks?) when I wasn’t looking. 

So it is fixed.  And please all merciful God (TIDBI), don’t make me go through this again next year.  My fat old lady poor punkin’ head cannot take it.