So the other day, I come home from grocery shopping. My hands are full of bags and I go to unlock the front door, and on the door jamb is a big black spider. Really odd looking guy – round with a white dot in the middle of its body. EWWWW. I just know that…
If you lived in the Bay City area and you did musical theater, eventually, you would work with Patricia Ankney – also known as Miss Pat. Miss Pat was short and fat, was a good, but demanding, director, and had a nasty temper if you got on her wrong side. In her later years, she…
Every year, the small city of Gilroy holds its Garlic Festival. Last year 80,000 people attended over the 3-day festival. This year, they hoped to top 100,000 (which is double the population of Gilroy). I have never attended. I have never wanted to attend because Gilroy tends to be at least 10 degrees hotter than…
Apparently Forever 21 is tired of selling plus size clothing. So tired, in fact, that recent online orders have included – wait for it – Atkins Diet Bars. Fuck you Forever 21. Fuck the Atkins Diet. Fuck all diets. Diets don’t work. And even if they did (which they don’t), where the fuck does Forever…
I went to my senior prom with Mike (Hairy Butt) Doriean. I have a feeling he was pressured into asking me by mutual friends, but hey, I got to go to the prom. (His middle moniker was due to information I was given by Pat Gray, who shared a few theatrical dressing rooms with Mr.…
One of the few shows we watch every week is Battle Bots. We enjoy the work these engineers put into designing their “robots” (they are not actually autonomous, but rather remote-controlled vehicles with weapons of various sorts). Bill enjoys it as an engineer, and I enjoy it from my please of utter ignorance. We enjoy…
I was once in a production of Fiddler on the Roof that was just the most amazing cluster-fuck you could imagine. I was playing Yente (for the second time). I was joining the production late because they had lost their Yente (how careless of them) and needed a new one. It was only the second…
My mother’s motto was You can write your name in the dust, just don’t put the date. I am my mother’s child. Recently I undertook the Herculean task of cleaning my personal Augean Stable – the area under my computer stand. We won’t discuss when was the last time I cleaned under there, besides my…
The State of Washington has joined the ranks of places where it is no longer legal to discriminate against fat people. I wish I could say it is because, like the State of Michigan, the City/County of San Francisco, and a few other places, they passed a law that made it illegal. They didn’t. However,…
My poor left leg has suffered so much. I don’t know why it seemed to always be the target of some disaster or another. Happily, by the time I hit my 30s the trauma abated, but before that … When we moved to Bangor Township, I was able to walk to school – one day,…
Thoughts from a Fat Old Lady 