From time to time, almost all singers have to deal with, what I call, the creeping crud.

That’s an overload of yuck in the throat.

There are a number of things that can cause the creeping crud –

Eating chocolate; eating ice cream, drinking milk, going swimming!

Yup, all these things are the things you can do to yourself that will result in a not-so-lovely phlegmy throat.

And then there are nature’s little gifts – like allergies or having what might (or might not) be a cold.

Face it mucus is the bane of a singer’s life.

So what can you do?

Taking stuff to dry you up (like an antihistamine) will do exactly that – and good luck singing with a dry throat and mouth.

Have you ever tried singing when your mouth is so dry your lips are glued to your teeth?

I have.  And it’s not fun (nor is it pretty).

I have had a lot of success with hot pineapple juice.

It tastes a lot better (to me) than hot lemonade – but it has lots of acid to cut through the phlegm and then sugar to coat and soothe the throat.

Some people swear by hot tea with lemon – except then you have the caffeine which also dries you out, makes you jittery, and will keep you running to the loo.

A lot of folks on Broadway use the herbal tea Throat Coat.  I’ve never tried it – but it is supposed to do wonders.

And I know one person who swears by Alkalol (she gargled with the stuff) – which is supposed to cut mucus.  Don’t know if it works, but she was (and I assume still is) a great singer.

Mostly, I say, find something that tastes okay to you, removes the crud, and will keep your throat warm and moist (and fuck you if you don’t like word “moist” – it’s a perfectly good word, get over it).

And if and when everything plugs up and shuts down – the miracle cure of all miracle cures is a cortisone shot; but good luck finding a doctor who will give you one.

That shit works (but it will take at least a day to kick in)!

I was so sick and had to perform – got the shot – was able to sing beautifully.  Sadly, I was so clogged up – I couldn’t even hear myself sing (that’s how sick I was) but everything felt fine and everyone said I sounded just fine.  Not something you can do often, but if one must, one must.

You got any cures for the creeping crud?

Do tell.