I’m one of those persons who, if I am in the bathroom for any length of time, needs to have something to read.
So the other day, I’m sitting on the fat old lady throne and I realize my Kindle is in the bedroom.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I read the care instructions on my undies.
I can’t believe I have never done this before.
But I wear plain cotton (100% cotton as it turns out) fat old lady panties – nothing special going on here, how hard can it be to take care of them?
(Bet my fat old lady ass my choice is comfort)
MADE IN PAKISTAN
(Told you so)
WASH BEFORE USING
(Makes sense – I would also suggest wash after using)
MACHINE WASH WARM
(Not hot? I use hot, not taking any chances.)
WASH COLORS SEPARATELY
(Nope. These are plain old panties, they all go in with the whites on hot – eventually, they fade enough to be close enough to white)
USE ONLY NON-CHLORINE BLEACH
(I can understand that – I don’t want any bleach residue next to my gentles (and yes I meant to spell it that way))
TUMBLE DRY LOW
(Again, they’re going in with the rest of the whites and they are drying on my regular setting – I don’t have all day here to wait around for some panties to dry)
Do people really iron their drawers?
Even when I ironed my clothes, I didn’t iron my underpants.
Who has that kind of time?
Who is that fastidious?
If I cared that much about what my underwear looked like I wouldn’t be buying them in 12 packs for the lowest price possible.
These panties are not panties that are made to be looked at – by anyone.
They are strictly utilitarian panties.
They keep my naughty bits bundled away from my exterior clothing.
They are fart catchers.
If you iron panties, I salute you.
I am also deeply concerned for you and your wellbeing.
For the love of God (that I don’t believe in), get a hobby, get cable TV, get a cat – something – anything.
There is a whole non-ironed panties world waiting for you out there.
(Fair warning DO NOT Google granny panty images unless you have “safe search” on – what has been seen cannot be unseen – WTF is wrong with people?)