THIS FAT OLD LADY AND HER PARBOILED THUMB

thumbDo you know what parboiling is? It’s partially cooking something by boiling. That having been said …

You know when you have a pre-made entrée where you leave the film on during cooking?

And they warn you to be careful when you remove the film after cooking – because it’s going to be hot?

I am here to tell you, THEY ARE NOT FUCKING AROUND.

I made us a yummy entrée for dinner. The instructions said to peel one corner of the film off but leave the rest in place. Did it.

Bake at 375˚ for 30 minutes. Did it.

Remove from oven, let sit for 1 minute, and then remove the film (and BE CAREFUL (you fucking idiot) this is hot).

I have my oven glove on (unlike oven mitts – these are like padded gloves, with fingers), and I’m trying to peel the film off – but the part I had peeled up had resealed itself to the edge of the container. I try, I try again, I try, try, try and I just can’t get a grip on an edge.

So I decide, fuck it, and remove the oven glove, grab a corner of the film and ….. peel.

How does something baked at 375˚ suddenly contain steam that is superheated to about a gazillion degrees?

OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG. Total searing pain in my thumb.

I douse it under cold water, waiting (and hoping) for the pain to recede to where it can no longer be described as white hot.

When I’m finally down from OMG, OMG, OMG to fuck, fuck, fuck. I look at my poor thumb.

It hurts like a bitch and it’s red, but that’s it. It’s not until later that the huge blister forms. It is from just below the knuckle to the bottom of the thumb nail. Not pretty. And of course, trying to do anything with the thumb (like wash dishes, dress, undress … it’s kind of amazing how much you use a thumb) it wakes it up from it’s watery silence and reminds me of just how big of an idiot I am.

It’s now been a couple of days, and the blister keeps leaking. I’ll be doing stuff and suddenly I have a wet sore thumb.

Okay thumb, I get it. What I did was really (really) stupid.

Message received. Lesson learned.

I’ll never do that again.

Probably. Hopefully.

Sigh.

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