Okay, this fat old lady had to go for an appointment to figure out what kind of hearing aids I want (because that’s just how old this fat old lady is).

I’m ready to go into the office for my appointment and an elderly lady goes in before me. 

Okay.

As is the norm at Kaiser, there is a hand sanitizing station set up before you approach the receptionist. 

Okay.

The lady gets some foam hand sanitizer and rubs her hands.

I should point out that this stuff dries quickly on your hands and doesn’t leave your hands feeling moist or sticky or anything – it’s the cotton candy of hand sanitizers.

So, like I said, she thoroughly rubs the hand sanitizer into her hands

And then … she wipes her hands on her butt.

I don’t know. Maybe she’s just a big fan of Futurama?