THIS FAT OLD LADY IS ALL SET FOR SURGERY AND NO WHERE TO GO

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! So my knee surgery is supposed to be tomorrow. It’s been almost a year of knee pain and while I am (was) terrified, I also wanted this done. Everybody agreed.  Platelets over 50 and we’re good. Then today the anesthesiologist decided to swerve out of their fucking lane and demand my hematologist put it…

THIS FAT OLD LADY IS HURTIN’ FOR CERTAIN

Note to self: When you go to your pre-op meeting and they hand you a booklet with 10 kinds of leg/ankle exercises; out of which 4 kinds are leg lifts of varying descriptions, and they suggest you do 20 (per leg) 3 times a day — they don’t mean kill yourself the first day trying…

THIS FAT OLD LADY’S PRE-OP

(Or – don’t do your pre-op appointment with your sister because y’all think alike and there’s going to be trouble.) My sister Karon and I went to my pre-op appointment together.  This is to assure that questions get asked and necessary information is garnered because between the two of us, somebody will remember to ask…

THIS FAT OLD LADY HAS A HOLE IN HER HIP

Okay.  Let’s be clear.  Having a bone marrow test is not a walk in the park, but it definitely is not a terror-filled trip to hell. Seriously. Take it from someone who (now) knows. As you may recall, my bone marrow test was scheduled for Monday, but the CT machine broke down at the hospital,…

THIS FAT OLD LADY IS GETTING POKED

And not in a fun way. I’m having a bone marrow test done. Most people’s first reaction is to grimace fiercely like they are in terrible pain, and make some kind of statement like “OH NO!!!” My question to them is, “Have you ever had a bone marrow test?” So far, the unanimous response is,…

THIS FAT OLD LADY TRIES AIRBNB-ING

That was interesting. My brother-in-law retired from the U.S. Postal Service.  My sister planned a huge (and well deserved) celebration at the family cottage on Long Lake.  Knowing sleeping space would be at a premium, we decided to stay elsewhere.  Unfortunately, both motels at the end of the lake were booked solid.  But my sister…

THIS FAT OLD LADY’S WORDS OF WISDOM

The sense of being perfectly well dressed gives a feeling of inward tranquility which religion is powerless to bestow. – Ralph Waldo Emerson True. Having dinner cooking in the crock pot before noon gives me a feeling grownupness like nothing else. – This Fat Old Lady Also true.

THIS FAT OLD LADY FOR THE WIN

I did it! I got a date for my knee surgery! It only took me slightly over a month to get to this point.  6 vials of blood, and a visit to my primary physician when he dropped the ball on signing the clearance.  But I fucking did it. August 14. Yup – more than…

THIS FAT OLD LADY LEARNS SOMETHING NEW

Anybody who has owned a number of cats knows there is always going to be one who, for reasons known only to itself, adores plastic bags. They like to lick it, chew it, play with it, and even sleep on it. Weird. Our kitty moose is one of those plastic-obsessed cats. We store our recyclable…