THIS FAT OLD LADY’S WTF WEDNESDAY – WELL THAT’S GOING TO LEAVE A MARK

You know that gorgeous (as in a religious experience) bathroom, including the huge circular shower that I love?

Well, this morning, it tried to kill me.

Okay, not really, but it sure did some damage.

Done with my shower, and there’s a little step up between the inside of the shower and the rest of the bathroom.  This little step gets wet and slippery, and I am extra cautious about it.  But caution got thrown to the wind and my left foot slipped forward and I went over backwards into the shower.  Ow.

Luckily, it was one of those slow-mo kinds of fall.  My right leg said, hell no, I’m not holding this fat old lady up all by myself, and folded up under me and I scraped my leg against the tiles as I kind of twisted to my right side. But somehow everything seemed to get scraped, twisted, and generally banged up on the way down.  Good news – I didn’t hit my punkin head. 

I hollered – okay, I screamed as I went down and my dear husband came running. 

Now the real fun begins. How to get me vertical in a wet slippery shower?

First – we have a non-slip pad that we don’t use – it’s kind of puffy and just seems to be a good place for mold to grow if you left it in the shower.  So I pulled that down from the side of the shower where it lives because I knew it would give me some traction plus provide some padding for my poor so-very-unhappy knees.  I was able to get onto my knees (OWWWWW) and I could get one leg up into a right angle with the rest of me, but fuck me if I could get enough traction to push myself upright and my fat old lady arms were basically willing to sit this one out no matter how I pleaded with them.  There is a grab bar that I could reach too – but it is too high and far from where I fell to be of much practical use.  My husband got the shower chair (which is out in the main part of the bathroom – where we can use it for getting all the nooks and crannies dried off) and was trying to get me to use that for leverage; but I was finally able to get my right leg to cooperate and I got myself upright. 

TA-FUCKING-DAH.

That was about 12 hours or so ago; and now every bit of me hurts, despite taking two extra-strength Tylenol three times since the fall. 

And lest you think I got to lay about feeling sorry for myself, I had to take Murphy to the (new) vets this morning – happy to say, I think I’m going to like this vet just fine – at least, a lot better than the other vet.  And I went and got my flu shot and my updated COVID booster – so that arm is just a little extra sore.  And I did a little bit of grocery shopping.

Wheeeeeee.

I’m going to need a fucking forklift to get out of bed tomorrow morning.

4 thoughts on “THIS FAT OLD LADY’S WTF WEDNESDAY – WELL THAT’S GOING TO LEAVE A MARK

  1. Oh – I SO feel your pain! Took a fall in the street last year – foot caught on something in the
    street and BAM – down I went. Some nice person called paramedics to stand me up again
    because I could NOT get my knees to prop me up & help to get me vertical again. The next
    day was NOT fun – hurt in places I neevr knew I had. But…give it 2 – 3 days, more Tylenol,
    ice/heat alternates & you’ll feel a whole lot better. Really… At least you had loyal husband –
    I got Doogie Howser, paramedic, without a clue of how to talk to a grumpy old fat lady lying in
    the middle of the street.

  2. I considered calling 911 but I have one nephew who is an EMT and one who is a paramedic. Wouldn’t want to take the risk of scarring them for life! Yeah, falls are so fucking traumatic after a certain age. As predicted, everything hurts (more) today and I just took some Extra Strength Tylenol and if that doesn’t help I’m switching to ibuprofen.

  3. Well, as hilariously as you paint it, I feel your pain. My new puppy tripped me in the parking lot at the vet and I had to lie there for a while just to assess everything. Then the pavement was so effing hot, I could barely get myself up…

    • Oh no. I swear our pets are all a part of a secret animal society trying to kill us! And yet we love them so. Hope you are doing okay!

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