I can be very easy-going. 

No, really.  Ask my husband.

On the other hand I can be a total blazing bitch and stickler for rules.

No, really.  Ask my husband.

This is what happened during my recent surgery.  I was provided with the rules.  I followed the rules.  Kaiser did not follow the rules and I went ballistic.

(By the way, I did file my official complaint with Kaiser today.)

I think I have a little insight into why this drives me right up the wall into furious fat old lady-land. 

The more vulnerable and/or unsure I am in a situation, the more I rely on the rules to get me safely through the situation. 

I cling to those rules and God (TIDBI) help the person who break them. Especially if they are your rules, not mine.

They will suddenly be facing the Wrath of Terri!

When the rules are changed (arbitrarily or not), the rug is pulled out from under me and I end up on my fat old lady ass – mentally. 

This happens to me in theater too.  And for the same reasons.  Often, theater requires a lot of focus and 99% of actors have insecurity issues. In order to focus and feel safe, I rely on certain “rules”.  If the rules are broken, I no longer feel safe.  My trust in the system and in the people I look to for support is lost (however briefly). 

Ditto in the case of my surgery. 

I don’t know if this reaction is a good or poor survival instinct; but I don’t see me changing anytime soon.

In the case of theater, I usually realize I over-reacted (after the fact); in the case of other situations – not so much.

Thoughts?  Advice?

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