I woke up feeling lousy – and crabby.

Very crabby.

Crabby, even for me.

I had cold-like symptoms the whole day before and while they seemed to have gone away, I did not feel rested and my stomach was upset and I just generally felt like shit.

As a fat old lady will, from time to time; at least this fat old lady.

So I’m making my usual breakfast of cream of wheat, and rinsing some dishes for the dishwasher, when my boob rings.

Okay – it’s my phone, but I keep it in my bra – my front office, so’s to speak.

I’m feeling, “Somebody better be dead.”

It’s my HMO – Kaiser.

Or at least, a nurse from my HMO.

Calling for my doctor.

Do you know what she wants?

She wants to schedule a physical.

A physical?

Who the fuck does annual physicals anymore?

So I ask her why, and she tells me how I haven’t seen my doctor in over a year, ya-da-ya-da-ya-da.

And I point out I had seen my gynecologist 2 weeks ago (you do NOT want to know).

The nurse, says that’s not the same.

I ask, why not?

They took my blood pressure (you may remember a whole blog post about that), they took my temperature, they weighed me.

The nurse then says, “Well, your blood pressure was a little high.”

WRONG thing to say.

I summarize some relevant parts from the aforementioned blog – like no kidding, they took it 4 times and broke the blood vessels in my arm.

That did it – at least for the physical nonsense.

Now she wants to book my retinal scan which is due.

I told her, I have the info and I can book it myself.

So – bye.

Boy did she pick the wrong day to call this particular fat old lady.

I can’t deal with stupid on an empty stomach.

And I really can’t deal with stupid before my first cup of coffee.

And, let’s face it, I just don’t deal with stupid all that well on a good day.

Which, so far, this isn’t.