THIS FAT OLD LADY’S TBT – LAVERNE & SHIRLEY ALMOST KILLED ME

It’s true!

Okay, maybe just Laverne, because I think this was after Shirley left the show.

I “celebrated” turning 30 by having my gallbladder removed, just before my birthday.

Because I was fair and fat (although not yet forty, which according to the doctor, is supposed to be the gallbladder stone trifecta), the doctor assumed it was gall stones causing my gall bladder attacks.

He was wrong.

What was supposed to be a short surgery turned into a 6 hour marathon.

No gall stones to speak of.

What was wrong was the bile duct between the gallbladder and liver kept clamping shut and not re-opening – causing a gall bladder attack – only instead of going away slowly (and as I explained to my doctor), I’d feel something inside me “release” and the attack would end immediately.  All they really needed to do was put in a stent, but since I was after all two-thirds of my way toward what they were sure would be gallbladder trouble, they just scooped it all out, and left me with two tubes draining in my abdomen, and a feeding tube down my nose – oh, and also a lifetime of IBS.  Thanks a butt load doc and your fat bias.

Anyhow, I am laying in the hospital with a huge incision held together with metal staples (of all things – I was not looking forward to them using the “staple remover” on me, because I know how well an office staple remover works on little bitty staples, and these were huge honking things), on a minimum of pain meds (because it turns out I have hallucinations under Demoral – and not fun hallucinations), when an episode of Laverne & Shirley comes on the TV.

Fuck me.

I’m pretty sure it was the episode where Laverne goes to a convent (the Monastery Show).

I love Laverne & Shirley – Penny Marshall in particular.

I just couldn’t turn it off.

I was not having a good time in the hospital, and I needed a laugh or two.

But a giggle would have sufficed.

Do you know how bad it hurts to laugh when you are being held together with some staples?

And then, of course, between the pain and the show and the stress …

You know, when you really need a good laugh, and you end up laughing so hard …

And you just can’t stop?

Yup, that’s what happened to me.

Oh the pain.

I still don’t know if I was crying from the laughter or the hurting.

But, damn that show was funny.

And I swear, it almost killed me.

But that which does not kill us, lets us laugh all the harder!

(Or something like that!)

schotz

One thought on “THIS FAT OLD LADY’S TBT – LAVERNE & SHIRLEY ALMOST KILLED ME

  1. Oh, my God! Your post-surgery “Laverne & Shirley” story is great. Trust me: I feel your pain. Ended up in hospital 5 days for what was supposed to be an overnighter to remove the gallbladder; suffice to say there were complications. There I was, 5 days, no food (but really GOOD drugs) and 8 gazillion channels on cable.
    What did I, with a tube & stitches end up watching? A special interview with Mel Brooks. You have no idea
    what pain that caused — thank God I was still IN hospital, because watching that show would have sent me
    back there. Now, whenever I hear the words “gall bladder”, I think “2000 Year Old Man”.

    LOVE your blog — keep it up!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s