Get your mind out of the gutter.

(If it wasn’t there, I’ll give you a moment to realize why I think your mind is in the gutter, and then for you to climb back out of it. And if your mind still doesn’t go to the gutter, are you sure you’re old enough to be reading this blog?)

I am talking about the fact that this fat old lady is 5-feet 8-1/2-inches tall.

I know people who are shorter than average have problems of their own, and I know people who are a lot taller than average have their own set of issues; but this is my blog, and I’m going to bitch about my issues.

Being just 2-1/2 inches above average is literally a pain in my back.

Kitchen counters, stoves, and sinks are just a smidge too low for me to comfortably use them. Add to that everything at work – photocopier machines, counters in the file rooms, and the office kitchen. All that little bit too low.

If you think this is silly, try bending over just a little bit – now hold it – hold it for the length of time it takes to make dinner, to do the dishes, to copy that huge project, to stuff and label a bunch of envelopes. Holding it?

Hurts doesn’t it? Try a lifetime of that.

One of my biggest issues when I went back in the office was trips to the copy room. My back would be screaming by the time I processed the mail for the day.

I want to do what Penn Jillette did. He is very tall and he built his house to accommodate his height. Oh how I envy him. The rest of the world may not fit him, but he has a sanctuary to escape the one-size-fits most world. Such a smart fellow, Mr. Jillette. (He’s funny too – by the way, I highly recommend his podcast Penn’s Sunday School.)

But I digress (like my whole blog isn’t one big digression).

And don’t get met started about clothes. (Oops too late, I’ve started.)

You can’t trust the photos. Three garments shown – all ending at the hip – but the actual lengths are 28-inchs (my waist), 30 inches (upper hip), 32 inches (lower hip). Same with dresses. They show the dresses hanging at a flattering length mid-calf. Except the usual length of 46-inches in knee length on me, 51 inches (considered “maxi”) comes mid-calf. If a garment’s description does not include length, I don’t even consider it.

Being tall has its advantages; but I’m not that tall. I still need a step stool to reach the stuff on the top shelf in the kitchen, and while I am tall enough to see the dust on top of the refrigerator, I am not tall enough to get rid of the dust without a step up (on the wild chance, I actually gave a shit about dust).

I’m just tall enough for it to be annoying.

Which I suddenly realize explains a lot about me, doesn’t it?