A week ago, I fell.

Yes, again.

Yes, I’m pissed at myself.  And now I have to reset the clock on the eternal doctor visit question “have you fallen recently”. 

Shit.

And this is a really stupid one too, with no one to blame but yours truly. 

I’ve been practicing how to get up from the floor, as this seems to be something that would be useful from time to time.  Well, I was down on the floor screwing in the bolts to my toilet seat (why they are set in such a manner that you can only see/reach them from the floor is beyond me) because my step-mom needed her commode/toilet seat back.  I had been using it since knee surgery and it has been a blessing because it has arms on it, but, as I can hoist my own fat old lady ass up off the toilet now,  I truthfully don’t need it anymore.

Anyhow, toilet seat is attached, and  I try to get up off the floor.  Not happening.  Not even with the help of the toilet.  Too low.  Okay, I fat old lady butt walk myself to the guest bedroom (polishing the bathroom floor as I go – two birds/one stone).  And using the bed, I am almost up off the ground when ….

My left knee totally gives out and that leg folds under me, bending the foot and ankle (yes, Kenny, THAT ankle) in ways God (TIDBI) never intended it to bend. 

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

I go down, hitting my right shoulder and head and there I lay – in pain and in total defeat.  Okay, gravity, you win.

Darling husband to the rescue. 

He brings me a sturdy chair and leaves me to regather my nerve and strength.  Trust me, I do not need nor want an audience for what is about to ensue, because me pulling my fat old lady ass off the ground and getting upright, is not a delight to see.  But I did it.  Eventually, but I did it.  And I assure you, it will be awhile before I practice getting down and up off the floor. 

So, here I am with a splendid bruise blooming on my right shoulder, a sore spot on my head, tender knees, and my back – ohhhhhhhhhhhh my poor back.  I am currently taking Baclofen (the only muscle relaxant that I’m not allergic to, but which takes the term “foggy brain” to a whole new level) in hopes I can avoid going to the doctor’s over this (I’m not ready to face his disappointment in my foolishness). 

And let’s all hope this is the end of excitement for me for the time being.