By “it”, I mean the appliances that reside in this house we bought.

As you may recall, the microwave went snap/smoke/boom on us after a few uses.

The house came with a gas stove and double oven. 

Oh boy.

Have I ever mentioned how afraid I am of gas appliances – in particular gas appliances that are supposed to catch on fire? 

I have no sense of smell (to speak of) – so fuck me if I know if there is a gas leak.

Happily, I still have the mental wherewithal to know that if I turn the knob on the stove and there is a clicking sound, and a faint whooshing sound, and nothing ignites – that’s not how this shit is supposed to work.

I used the stove top once.  It lit up just fine and I was able to cook up some glop-in-a-pan (you know the frozen bagged dinners you put in a skillet and heat up on the stove, usually pasta intensive?). 

Tried the same thing today – the burner didn’t light.  Fuck.  Tried it again.  Still didn’t light.  Tried another burner – didn’t light and the sound of gas coming out is fairly aggressive (at least it seems so to me, a person who already lives in fear of all gas-reliant appliances).  Between attempts, Bill is trying to disburse the unlit gas by waving energetically.  Bill tried the third burner and it lit (and hooray, no big explosion from the previous attempts) – but the flame had yellow sparks coming out of it (along with the usual blue flames) – which I understand is not optimum.

Of course, we have no manual for this big ass fancy-schmancy range/oven.  I tried looking it up on the manufacturer’s website – but couldn’t find a model number that they would accept (which makes me think they have moved on from this particular model) and so I can’t get one of their special repairmen to come out and look at the gas-beast lurking in my kitchen. 

Not to worry, I haven’t given up yet.  I’m calling those fuckers tomorrow and seeing what I can find out.

It now occurs to me that while we have used the washer/dryer stack (and they work fine), I have not yet tried out the dishwasher.  So instead of handwashing and drying the dishes tonight, they went into the dishwasher and when I have enough dishes to warrant running it, I’m trying that sucker out. 

If I’m in for another nasty surprise, I’d just as soon get it over with now.  While I’m on a roll. And if the next time I post a photo, I am lacking eyebrows, at least you’ll know why.