My cell phone used to be through Virgin Mobile – I loved them.  Really reasonable. Never gave me any trouble. Easy to deal with.

But they aren’t around anymore and I got switched (without any warning) to Boost Mobile. 

Okay. 

Then suddenly, last week, I started getting text messages from Boost Mobile saying that they are no longer going to support 3G networks and therefore, I needed to replace my phone (because that’s how old my cell phone is).

Okay.  Time for a new phone. 

And Boost Mobile offered me 20% off on any phone I decide to purchase! 

Cool beans.

I go on the Boost website and start shopping. 

I want another iPhone – but I have no need for the latest and greatest.  My needs are fairly conservative.  I expect a phone to allow me to make and receive phone calls; send and receive texts; let me check my e-mails; let me take and send photos; set alarms; play music; read my Kindle books; show my calendar; and, when I ask, give me driving directions.

That’s pretty much it.  I don’t play a bunch of games.  I don’t watch TV or movies on my phone.  I don’t even use FaceBook on my phone. So data usage is pretty minimal.

I find a good deal on an iPhone and with the extra 20% off, it’s a really good deal.

I go to purchase it. 

First off, the site won’t take the promo code. 

WTF.

It said ANY phone.

Second, it won’t let me just purchase the fucking phone. It is insisting that I finance it through some special “Boost” thing. 

Fuck no.

I call the phone number on the webpage – “If you need help with your purchase call …”

I call.  It takes a very long time to go through with a constant ad running. 

NOT conducive to soothing the unhappy customer (and it goes without saying that if a customer has to actually call you, they are going to be unhappy).

But I finally get someone.  I explain to her that I want to just buy the phone and that the promo code isn’t working.  She says I have to deal with customer support and she transfers me.  Where, I am again on hold listening to some dipshit talking about (a) how important my call is; and (b) are you sure this is the right number – we do (x), (y) and (z) and if you don’t want (x), (y) or (z) you need to call a different number and you can probably take care of this from their handy-dandy website (LIARS). 

Then I get disconnected.

Fuck.

I call the customer support number from the website (this is different from the help-you-with-your-purchase number).  I am given a number of options – one of which is purchasing a new phone.  Got ya!  Push the number.  I get a list of options – NONE of which are helpful in the least.  But I try some of the options, thinking maybe I can talk to someone who can, at least, point me in the right direction. NOPE. 

You can’t reach a person from here.  All you get are tapes and then the choice to go back to that (incredibly unhelpful) main menu or you can hang up.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I find another number to call (they seem to have innumerable phone numbers on their website – all which take you to the same endless loop of unhelpfulness). 

Same thing.  Options that don’t apply and you can’t reach an actual person.

I try the sales number again.  After a long hold, I get a person – and my phone alarm goes off (telling me it’s almost time to start work) and I accidentally disconnect her.

So that one’s on me.

I try the sales number again.  I end up in hold limbo and nobody picks up at all. (Maybe they’ve blocked me because I hung up after actually reaching one of their (apparently few and far between) humans.)

I try using the link they sent me in the text on my cell phone.  Same issues – promo code does not work and they want me to finance my purchase.

I give the fuck up and start working.

That evening (or I should say the wee hours of the next morning – because I have become a total night owl and seem to be incapable of falling sleep before 1 or 2 a.m.), I decide to try one last time – using the text from my cell phone.

And wonder of wonders, miracles of miracles – it fucking works. I mean – no problems at all. It works just the way you would expect it to work. The way it should have worked right from the beginning.

I out-and-out buy the phone and I get the 20% off.

Lord (TIDBI) have mercy Boost.  Was that so much to ask?  That you sell me a fucking phone?