THIS FAT OLD LADY’S TBT – COLD SLEEP

Growing up, I always wanted to sleep with the windows open. 

I loved the fresh air.  I especially loved it when it was storming outside.  I loved snuggling under the covers in a cold bedroom.  And I hated hot humid nights.  I have always had trouble falling asleep in a hot bedroom. 

If not for storm windows, I would probably have slept with my bedroom windows open in the winter too. Since I couldn’t do that, instead, I made my bedroom as cold as possible by closing off all of the heating vents before I went to sleep.  I’m a problem solver that way.

And it worked. Boy, did it work. 

By morning, my bedroom would be freezing, as only an unheated bedroom in the middle of a Michigan winter could be freezing (colder than the nipples on a witch’s tits, colder than a bucket of penguin shit, colder than the hair on a polar bear’s ass, colder than the frost on a champagne glass) – so of course, I never wanted to get out of bed.  I think if they had had weighted blankets back then, I would have just stayed in bed forever. 

I loved sleeping in a cold bedroom – getting up and getting dressed in one – not so much. 

I couldn’t even warm up in a hot shower or bath.  Kids in our house took their baths before bed. 

I’d open up the vents to warm up my bedroom and then scurry downstairs in my nightgown, grab some cereal, and lay down on the floor next to an open vent blasting heat.  Ahhhhh. 

By the time breakfast was done, my bedroom was warm enough not to worry about tongues sticking to metal fixtures (yes, sorry, Joan, we used metal hangers) and I could get dressed.

I still like a chilly bedroom and still hate to get up in the morning and leave my nice warm bed; and I still hate an overly warm bedroom. 

And when I move back to Michigan, I think I’ll just get myself one of those weighted blankets and stay in bed from October until April or May.

I’ll see you in the Spring!

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