Okay.  I’ve now had three radiation treatments.

The treatment itself doesn’t take more than 5 minutes.

What takes awhile is getting my fat old lady ass situated properly on the table. 

They have to get you situated “just so”, which, of course, is a good thing.  You don’t want them shooting that radiation willy-nilly into your body.  I have three teensy tattoo dots to help with this alignment.

Moving my fat old lady ass around is not for the faint of heart.  They generally do this by moving the sheet I’m lying on – a tug here, a tug there – here a tug, there a tug – you get the idea.  And, as always, they tell you, “Don’t help.”

Okay.  Not helping.

I have just one question.

Why not just move my boob?

I realize for ladies with cute little perky titties this is not an option.

But you could put my big floppy fat old lady boob in any number of places.  (Hell, I might not even need to be in the room!) 

I actually asked (because of course I did), but they just laughed it off. 

No.  Seriously.  Anyone know?  Because while they are scooting my fat old lady body around and about, I can guarantee you that my fat old lady booby is not staying in the same place.

So …… Anybody? 

Inquiring minds want to know.  (Okay, just this one fat old lady mind – but I really would like to know!)


  1. Oh, my GAWD! When I got radiated 14 years ago, that very same query popped into my head. At the time I
    was relatively thin, which means the boys (Sam & George,as they were dubbed eons ago) were REALLY
    floppy devils. Move ’em around to suit? No – it was the other 190 or so pounds of me that had to move. Go
    figure. If you ever get an answer, PLEASE let us know!

  2. What I was told is that the body has to be aligned – spine and heart and lungs (especially because this is my left breast). That’s all I know. I thought it was the breast that was the “target” though! A couple of times they have resituated my floppy old booby but not every time! What can I say – Kaiser works in mysterious ways!

  3. Thanks for the explanation – makes sense. As long as it’s going well for you that’s all that counts, right? Just
    look out for the final week- if it’s the same as it was a few years ago, THAT’S when it’ll hurt like hell after. Be sure to get something called Udderly Smooth (CVS has it) to smear on & you MAY need some skin bleach
    after – it’ll be a few weeks . Your local beauty supply should be able to help. Took me 3 months to get a fair
    amount of skin back to normal color. The final few treatments are when they put teensy little tattoo points on
    the breast – so fun….because the radiation is more concentrated & they want to be sure it goes to the right

    FYI: Projected temp for the SFValley today is 93 – lowest it’s been all week AND it’s HUMID. So glad I live
    on the other side of the hill – Hollywood may be strange but it’s cooler.
    Now I’ll go away & leave you to what I hope is a lovely weekend.

  4. They have me putting Calendula cream twice a day and Aquaphor (really thick greasy stuff) at night for the whole treatment. They are going to put more tattoos on? I’ve already been tattooed twice! Once when they did the initial CT scan, and again while they set everything up for the first treatment! Good God (TIDBI) – my boobs will be polka-dotted! I don’t know if it was the technician today or if it’s because I now get the weekend off from treatment – but it seemed like they gave me a much larger dose today (multiple doses and for longer). I loved living in Hollywood – living in the Hollywood Towers before it got all poshed up. Strolling down the Boulevard was always so much fun. (Do you remember when there was a Howard Johnson’s at Hollywood and Vine? I loved that place!)

  5. Sounds like they’ve got you covered—and slimed. The tattoos may vary – was told that each case is unique &
    different methods are called for, so maybe you won;t get any more.

    Yup – I DO remember the HoJo’s – worked in a game show development office on Ivar & it was one of the
    places we felt safe walking to lunch (mid ’70s – things were pretty weird in Hollywood). Nearly freaked 3 years ago when I came home from work one day & Tarantino’s minions had done up the block closest to me
    on the boulevard to look like 1969 My college job was near Hollywood & Vine on a street that’s gone now,
    and 1969 really DID look like the set designer’s re-creation. Real thing was better – we used to go to the
    dollar steak place and the Tick-Tock on Cahuenga, too – place looked like a frilly farmhouse inside but the
    food was good & cheap. Ahhhhh —- those were the days! Didn’t mean to hog your time but I’m at the age
    when nostalgia just takes hold & won;t let go.

  6. I moved to (and lived in) Hollywood in September 1979. First we lived on Beechwood and then the Hollywood Towers. Our bedroom window overlooked the Hollywood Freeway and the Capitol Records building. Do you remember Two Dollar Bill’s on Franklin (rumor had it, it was owned by Scientology)? We were two stupid Midwesterners who didn’t have enough sense to be worried about the area! Loved coming home in the wee hours and getting fresh donuts at the donut shop across from the Hollywood Towers. Memories …

  7. September of ’79 I was still living on Hollywood Blvd at Nichols Canyon (between Fairfax Ave & Laurel Cyn).
    Pains me to think how (relative to now) cheap it was.
    I DO recall Two Dollar Bill’s & yes, I remember hearing about the connection to the wackos at Scientology.
    Also remember doing mini-concerts at the gorgeous old apartment house on Franklin that the Scientology
    people subsequently bought & fluffed up. It was an old-folks’home in the mid-’60s.

    Secret of living in the big city – applies to NYC, Chicago, San Francisco, London: not being worried is like
    wearing a shield – I’ve heard cops say that bad guys can smell fear the way animals do & prey on it..If you’re
    not fearful, you don’t give off that “hey, mug me!” vibe & you’ll probably be OK. But then I’m the person who’d
    run out for cigarettes at 3AM in Manhattan, so what do I know?

    Damn – there was a DONUT shop across from the Hollywood Tower? How did I miss it?

    As I said – someday we’ll have to hang out, sing show tunes & talk about old Hollywood.

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