I recently had my blood work done.
All the results came back great – except my blood glucose level – which is up.
Not crazy up, but up.
I’m not surprised. I am a type 2 diabetic (it runs in my family on both sides). I am fighting depression and anxiety on a daily basis – mostly because of the circumstances surrounding the pandemic and the person sitting in the White House and how I feel about what is happening in our country. (This is not an invitation for a political discussion, it is about my personal feelings and emotions.)
I know I have not been making “good” food choices. I have been choosing to eat many things that would cause my blood glucose numbers to rise.
I am behaving in a somewhat self-destructive manner in that I am not only making these choices, but I was also not doing any checks on my blood glucose. I have been burying my head in the sand and simply choosing not to know what I was possibly doing to my body and my health. I was (and still am) however taking all my meds as directed.
So now what?
Now I have to decide if I’m going to continue on my self-destructive path or not.
I am a diet survivor. I do NOT want to diet. Usually, diets are ultimately detrimental to the dieter’s mental and physical health.
I do not believe that food has a moral value. Food is neither good nor bad. Food is food.
I am not going to diet for weight loss. Dieting, in 90% + cases, leads to eventual gaining of weight.
So now what?
What I’m doing is trying to make better food choices. I am now testing and tracking my blood glucose levels on a regular basis, so I can determine the effects of the food I am choosing.
I am trying to concentrate on my body and the messages it is sending me – separating the physical signals from the mental/emotional ones.
Whatever I do, I know it needs to be sustainable. I need to know it’s not a diet, that nothing is forbidden and I need not to feel deprived, but, like all things in life, I need to be aware there are consequences to my choices.
But what I really am wondering is how do you differentiate dieting from making certain food choices?
Is it all about your intent?
Many diet programs now tout themselves as not being a “diet” but being a “lifestyle”. And I know that’s a big steaming load.
So what makes a diet?
The intent of weight loss? Okay, not doing that.
Calorie restriction? Not doing that either.
Food restriction? Ah … now, there you have me. I may restrict certain food choices. Not eliminate but restrict – because certain foods may have a deleterious effect on my blood glucose levels.
I’m lucky in one sense. I have educated myself on what diets are and the harm they do. I am on alert for “diet thinking” in myself – because if I go there, at best, it will not be helpful; and at worst, I could end up digging a deeper hole for myself physically and mentally.
One of the “signs” of dieting, in my experience, is how everything ends up focused on food – when can you eat next, what can you eat, and the effects of what you ate. I don’t want to go there – at all. And so far, so good. When I’m hungry I consider what I would like to eat and that’s it. I am not obsessing about it.
Another issue is, all of this takes a lot of mental energy and that is something I don’t have a lot of right now.
So I’m going to do what everyone does – the best I can at any given moment.
And that will have to be good enough.
Thoughts from a Fat Old Lady 
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I can sympathize with you. Although I’m not a type 2 diabetic, I’m still sensitive to the changes caused by COVID-19 and the current social, economic and political climate.
I have a type of depression (from father’s side) that is withdrawn behavior and negative thoughts. My depression has been a part of my life for the past 20 years.
I have tried prescribed medications but I felt numb and like a robot void of emotions. Plus, it affected my libido and the wife (at the time) wasn’t having it 😂
When I reached my 40s, I began to gain weight and I began to pay attention to my eating habits and lifestyle choices. It became evident to me that 10-15 pounds into a small Hispanic frame of 5′ 5″ feels substantial and annoying.
I didn’t like the way I felt and annoyed at having to find pants/shorts with an expanded waist size.
Fortunately, I met a good friend into health and wellness who challenged the way I thought about myself and helped me to understand my ability to think and act instead of self-pity and despair.
I began to read books on personal development that became positive influences to reinforce forgotten ideas to put into practice; like creating a life of choice, responsibility decision, seeking wisdom and others.
Still, it’s easy to fall off the ‘band wagon’ and go back to old habits because they’re easier and I fight the temptation of convenience.
Since the start of COVID-19, I’ve had to deal with the depression caused by isolation and a reduction of income caused by the pandemic. As an account manager, it’s difficult to create new accounts when I can’t meet them 😢
So, a few months ago, I started to walk a couple of miles from my house in the morning. I need the cardio exercise. I drink my coffee, take my morning vitamins, try to comb my hair to remove my ‘bed head,’ put my shirt, shoes and sneakers and just do it before I change my mind 😁
I don’t always walk every day but I’m doing it 4-5 days per week. That’s good enough for me.
Plus, I’m doing exercises at home because going to a gym is compromised by COVID-19. Besides, even without the pandemic, I still would find reason not to exercise with others around me. I know I’m weird. I don’t like others to stare or look at me.
My exercises are simple, I do a number of reps of stomach crunches and push-ups. Easy stuff I used to do in high school.
Again, I don’t always do them every day but I’ve averaging 4-5 days per week. Good enough for me.
So, what are my results?
Hmmm… well, I have stabilized by weight. I haven’t gain but instead of losing fat, I appear to be converting some into muscle and my short and pants don’t feel as tight as before. I’m okay with that.
My goal was to drop 10 lbs but mother nature is telling me that in my 50s that’s not going to happen unless I change and use other methods. I still think I look good naked 😆
I have to mention that my food intake has changed. COVID-19 has limited my dining options and I don’t eat at restaurants often like I used to. In fact, even ‘take-out’ is something I don’t do very often either.
When I think about it, COVID-19 has impacted many in the areas mentioned earlier; social, economic etc. Personally, I was becoming withdrawn and depressed; gaining weight with thoughts of self-pity.
Reading personal development books, having a positive mentor and surrounding myself with positive people continues to play a positive role in dealing with my depressive mood swings.
Right now, I’m reading a book titled ‘Mindset ~ The New Psychology of Success’ by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D. In the book she described two minds; Fixed and growth mindsets.
The ‘fixed’ mindset suggests your ‘abilities are carved in stone’ whereas the ‘growth’ mindset suggests that qualities or abilities ‘are things you can cultivate through your efforts, your strategies, and help from others.’
I’m still reading the book. Don’t tell me you can’t teach an old Hispanic new tricks! 😁
I am glad that you have found ways to maintain your mental and physical health. My husband used to walk 5 days a week, but with COVID, he’s just not comfortable doing that as much (he walks 1 day a week) and instead does things around the house for his exercise. I need to find something I like to do enough to actually do it. Two books by Shakti Gawain were a lot of help to me – Creative Visualization and Living in the Light. I read them many years ago. My depression seems to be mostly some kind of chemical imbalance. I certainly don’t have any rational reason to be depressed – which makes it all the more frustrating!
It’s good to hear your husband finds things to do around the house for exercise. I think we need to become flexible with our activities and find alternatives. Have you thought about photography or painting? I’m starting to get back into 35mm film photography and I find it helps with my depression. By the way, I’m enjoying commenting on your blog posts. I find it therapeutic too 😊
By the way, I want to share my flickr link that has some pictures I’ve taken in past couple of months. I’m focused on texture and colors (flowers, plants, signs and landscape scenery). Tell me what you think! https://www.flickr.com/photos/189065231@N08/
Thank you for sharing your photos with me. You have a lot of talent and a good eye! I have never been into photos. I take more photos now than I ever did because I can use my iPhone! My artistic endeavors are usually to needle craft. I used to do a lot of counted cross stitch; now I make my Dikke Dame (dutch for “fat lady”) dolls. I have slowed down with that a lot. It took me months to finish my Santa Dikke Dame doll, and I started a new (Alice in Wonderland) Dikke Dame but it has been slow going. I also used to make shrink art pins and charms based on the Venus of Willendorf – that I call Willendorables. Maybe it’s time for me to start putting more energy into those pursuits! I hope you keep up with your photography – I think it’s very good.