Someone once told me, “Boobs are a goodness.”

And I do not disagree with that statement.

However, boobs (especially my boobs) have been known to be very uncooperative.

Boob wrangling is something I have dealt with in many performances.

It started in high school – Once Upon a Mattress – I was playing Queen Aggravain.

In the show, there is a very athletic dance called the Spanish Panic; and during this dance, the Queen is basically thrown offstage.

Okay.

However, at one performance I was flung with such force that my boobs came flying out.

Luckily, my boobs had the good sense to stay tucked away until after I had reached the wings.  And then I had to do some really quick boob tucking since I had to get my happy ass back out on stage.

In Saginaw, I was in the ensemble for Sweet Charity.

For The Rhythm of Life, I wore my blue and white starred jumpsuit and red and white striped jacket.  The jumpsuit was strapless.

The problem arose when we were supposed to walk on our knees towards the edge of the stage.

Basically, I was walking out of my jumpsuit as the friction pulled it down.

I was often bare breasted by the time I reached the audience – but was able to wrap the jacket around me so as not to cause a sensation (and not a singular sensation, I assure you).  Although, I think they could have raised the price of tickets if I had just let it all fly.

When I left the Fischer Troupe, I was given one of my costumes – the red and black saloon girl outfit.

It had been custom made for me and I loved it.

I wore it during a production of Little Merry Sunshine (playing Madam Ernestine) some years later.  I could still wear it, but I was heavier – especially in the boobage department.

I did not actually fall out of the top, but I was later told that the light booth had bets on whether or not my boobs would be making their debut.

So far, my boob wrangling has been successful.

As they head south, in the future, I will probably have to worry about my top flying up, rather than falling down.

Just saying.