I don’t eat zucchini.
I don’t eat any kind of squash – except pumpkin, and then only when it’s in a dessert with lots of sugar involved.
When I was a kid, my Mom (who was never going to be up for any award for cooking) used to make acorn squash – by cutting it in half, and filling the center with maple syrup and butter.
It was ghastly.
Acorn squash, to me, tastes like the bird barn at the County Fair smells.
And that aversion has carried over to all other types of squash.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
And then the world discovered zucchini.
And suddenly the world was filled with zucchini.
People put it in every fucking thing.
For the love of God (that I don’t believe in), why do you want to ruin perfectly good food by adding zucchini?
Let me tell you, there is something seriously wrong with a food that is not improved by either frying it or covering it with cheese.
I get daily e-mails with recipes; and I add the ones that sound good to my recipe database.
Zucchini saves me a lot of typing.
I can skip every recipe that even thinks of mentioning zucchini as an ingredient.
Today there was a recipe for crab cakes.
I like crab cakes. My husband LOVES crab cakes.
Then I notice it’s for zucchini crab cakes.
And, while we’re at it …
WTF are zoodles?
In what fresh level of hell did somebody think up these abominations?
And of course, because there is zucchini in every fucking thing, people plant want to grow their own zucchini.
And apparently zucchini is really easy to grow.
And so the world keeps filling up with more and more zucchini.
And people keep thinking up more and more ways to ruin perfectly good food by adding zucchini.
The only thing I can think of that zucchini is good for is compost.
If you like zucchini, good on you – and please, you can have my share.
All of it.