I don’t like to sew.

But I know how to sew.

I don’t so much not like the actual sewing – it’s all the prep work.

Cutting out all the little (and huge) pattern bits (on that crappy thin paper that tears so easily) – Pinning it to the fabric and don’t forget the interface!

Marking all the notches (do them in or out?)

Then actually cutting out the fabric pieces.

And the only place where you can actually spread out enough is on the floor.

Oh my aching back.

And don’t forget, you are also shooing cats away the whole time as well.

Sometimes I think they make that crappy thin paper out of compressed catnip, the way the cats love to go after it – and did I mention how easily it tears?

So once you have all the bits and pieces, the actual sewing isn’t so bad – except for hemming.

Hemming. Ugh.

And if it has a zipper, I don’t even want to hear about it.

Yes, I have successfully put zippers into garments.

It has always been an ugly, ugly experience.

I have seen people demonstrate how easy it is to sew zippers.

(And yes, I own a zipper foot; but mine apparently lacks the proper zipper sewing magic zipper foots are supposed to come with.)

I have never been able to sew on a button with a machine.

Did you know you are supposed to be able to do that?

Uh huh.  Prove it.

I have used the machine to make button holes and that is an almost mystical experience.

And the really sad thing is – I’m kind of good at sewing.

And I can’t even say I have a love hate relationship with sewing.

No.  I just hate it.

Even when it means I can make me and my friends fabulous Halloween costumes like this: