My first car was an early 1960s, AMC Rambler.

God I loved that car.

My parents bought it for $100.

They bought it because I had a broken leg, and all of our vehicles were manuals, so I couldn’t drive them, and the AMC had an automatic transmission.

I was involved in many extracurricular activities.

And my parents had no desire to drive me and pick me up from all these activities.

(So you see, Ferd, some good did come out of the broken leg escapade.)

Advice to all teens who want their own car – be involved in a ton of extracurricular activities and have lots of friends who also need a ride; that way your parents will be happy to provide you with a vehicle to drive your own happy ass to and fro.

Of course, there is no guaranty what kind of vehicle that will be, but I didn’t care then – just as I don’t care now.

My baby was white with blue interior, just a little box of a car.

And although I didn’t get to try them out, the car also had “fuck” seats – front seats that folded all the way flat!

I drove that car to hell and back, and enjoyed every minute of it.

My mom had to drive it once.  There had been an ice storm, but I still had school (because that’s life in Michigan – a nice thick ice coating on the world is no reason to cancel school), so my mom decided she would drive me.


Except, as we were approaching a corner she suddenly slammed on the brakes – very exciting on an icy street.  No damage done to us or the car, just one big thrill.

We sat there for a moment, and I looked over at my mom and asked, “Putting in the clutch?”

“Yes.” she admitted.

And that, boys and girls, is what happens from too many years of driving only stick shifts.

Sadly all good things must come to an end, and my little white boxy car died, in a car crash.

I wasn’t driving.

In fact, no one was driving.

It was parked on a street, while I was at a party (that’s a story for another day).

Some drunk ass hat, drove into a line of parked cars – one of which, was my baby.

He was so drunk, he was still trying to figure out why his car wasn’t moving forward when the cops arrived.

My little white box was totaled.

But by then, my leg was healed, and I was able to go back to driving our family vehicles.

My stepfather fixed up the damage, and sold it for $200!

Here’s how the seats worked – how cool is that?

fuck seats

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