I recently went to see a local production of Smokey Joe’s Café (great production, by the way).
You’d have thought I was risen from the dead.
Everyone was so surprised to see me.
I admit I’m not the best at getting my fat old lady ass out the door, but … c’mon. I’m not that bad! Mostly. Probably.
Okay, I am that bad.
But I’ve really been making an effort to get out more. My one and only New Year’s resolution – to get out and be more sociable.
Plus, last Fall, I was publicly on display in a production of Cabaret as Fraulein Schneider (which I modestly confess I F*CKING ROCKED IT!).
Being in theater, and being in a theater, of course, the next thing (after expressing their huge surprise at seeing me) is, “What’s next for you?” “What do you have coming up?”
And I reply nothing, unless someone knows of someone doing a show with a fat old lady in it.
And then comes the, “Oh, don’t say that!”
I AM a fat old lady. I know it. And anyone present at an audition I am participating in knows it.
It’s okay. I have a type.
Granted, with enough pink lighting (I used to say pink gels, but in this digital age, that term increasingly is met with blank stares – which only goes to prove how old I am), a wig, and sufficiently thick makeup, I can still play a fat not-so-old lady.
I should also remember to ask if anyone is doing any shows that call for a fat old man, because I can (and have) definitely rocked that type too!
So calm down y’all.
And if your show needs a fat old lady or man, give me a call!