MAYBE THIS FAT OLD LADY SHOULD MOVE BACK TO MICHIGAN

I swear, every time I get one painful part of me happy by applying ice, another part starts complaining.

Today, I iced my right knee, my left foot (ooh, good idea for a story – nah, it’d never sell), and my right elbow/forearm.

My right knee is a known issue, fuck if I know what happened to my left foot, and I appear to have developed what I like to refer to as “ukulele elbow.” All three bits are much happier for the application of ice.

Okay, not ice, frozen blue stuff in plastic bags. I especially like thera-pearls – they are little blue balls in the plastic bag, so they flow around the tender bits; sort of like using a bag of frozen baby peas – only with smaller peas.

So it suddenly occurs to me, if I lived in Michigan, for much of the year, all I would have to do is go put my whole body in a snow bank for a bit and simply ice the whole works at once! That way I wouldn’t have to worry about missing anything! Of course, I would have to worry about hypothermia, but you can’t have everything?

I’ve always said that if I moved back to Michigan, I would spend the winters indoors baking cookies. I now amend my plan. I’ll stay indoors baking cookies, with the occasional lounge about a snow bank.

Perhaps I have stumbled upon a new tourist industry for Michigan – full service body icing for the persistently achy.

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