Today was the kind of day that reminds me why I stopped being a legal secretary / paralegal and opted for the less stressful (and not as well compensated) job of word processor (working from home, part time).

As you may remember, I am currently covering a desk in the office for a secretary who injured herself (and who notified the firm today that she will be out an additional 2 months).

The big hoo-ha for the desk left on vacation this past weekend.

I used to work for this particular hoo-ha, and he had a nasty habit, back in the day, of leaving for vacation without delivering promised documents or wrapping up ongoing transactions. Back in the day, I would sit down with him and go over all his current cases and make sure nothing would implode or spontaneously combust in his absence.

I didn’t do that this time. I am clearly an idiot.

Sure as shit, today that shit of which I am so sure of hit the fan. A client is literally screaming regarding a half-completed transaction that is threatening to fall apart. This is when I find out that the client, and two of our attorneys have been trying to call the vacationing attorney for 3 days, and said vacationing attorney is not picking up his phone or responding to messages.

Nice.

Huston, we have a problem. I hate problems. Especially ones that require my personal attention.

On the other hand, I excel at solving problems. Especially ones that involve errant attorneys.

I have the office administrator log into the hoo-ha’s computer. From there, I find the e-mail addy of the his daughter who lives in New York. I e-mail his daughter, and tell her we have a situation, that her dad is not picking up his phone and could she (a) get in touch with him herself; (b) call her mom for us; or (c) provide us with her mom’s cell phone number.

Less than five minutes after I hit the send button – guess who is on the phone. He wanted to talk to me, but instead I put him through to the attorney who is stuck with the screaming client and the mess hoo-ha left.

Problem solved.

You would think that after almost 18 years with this firm, the attorneys would know – don’t fuck with me. I do not play fair; and you don’t scare me.  You can run but you cannot hide.

Fucking attorneys.