It’s done.  Both eyes have now had cataractectomies. 

It’s kind of amazing.  Don’t know yet if I’ll need glasses at all.  I can see quite well out of both of them – even the one that was just done 2 days ago.  I can even read stuff on my phone without glasses! 

The left eye had a harder time of it than the right eye.  It’s still a little puffy and bloodshot.  Post surgery it felt like I had a sandbox of grit in that eye and putting in the eye drops was a thrill (and not in the fun way).  Owwwww, burning, burning, burning.  The blue glow from the increased light hitting the eye was bothersome and there was a dull ache.

But all of that has pretty much cleared up.

The only problem right now is me constantly trying to push my glasses up.  You know, the glasses that I’m not wearing.  D’oh.  (My eyes are brighter, not me.)

The anesthesiologist said she was going to give me the same sedation I got before; but I think she’s a liar, liar, pants on fiar.  I don’t remember much of anything from the first surgery (the sedation has an amnesic effect); but I remember all of the second surgery. 

Maybe my body ate up all the sedation because I was so pissed off.  Or maybe they skipped the sedation because I was so pissy.

First surgery – no gown that fit me.  I could get into their gown, but it was tight and uncomfortable across my shoulders – even untied; and the next day, I had bruising on my shoulder, near my neck (Bill accused me of somehow, somewhere acquiring hickies).  They claimed they had larger gowns.  They looked for larger gowns, but they couldn’t find any.  It was all a very unusual and mysterious mistake.

BALLS.

Second surgery – same exact thing.  Right down to the mystery of why there weren’t any larger gowns, even though they just got a delivery from the laundry service. 

Yeah.  Pull the other one, it’s got bells on it.

However, fool me once … I brought my own fucking gown.  This confused the hell out of them.  Where does a private citizen get their own hospital gown?  I mean, can you imagine?  You couldn’t possibly just go on the internet and buy one.  Right?  Right? 

I was very disappointed that this happened once.  I was furious that it happened twice.  And surprise, surprise, someone was very vocal about her DISAPPOINTMENT. 

This is Michigan.  Land of my people, my people.  Fat people often have eyes; and they sometimes need surgery on those eyes.  Get some fucking XL size gowns!  (Also, this is Michigan where discrimination based on size is ILLEGAL.  Why tempt the Gods of Anti-Discrimination Lawsuits if you don’t have to?)

But all’s well that ends well, and in the end I now have pretty great vision in both of my fat old lady eyes.