I don’t know if it’s all old people or just fat old people, but at some point, every doctor appointment includes the question “Have you fallen this year?”  And if the answer is yes, be prepared to fill in the details of when, why and any injuries.

Well as of the end of December, I was clear!  A whole year with no falls.

Until this past Saturday.

Fuck.

We’ve been having some semi-serious snow fall here in Michigan.  Not crazy blizzard bad, but plenty of accumulation happening over a few days. 

So Saturday, dear husband and I had been out and about picking up prescriptions and treating ourselves to lunch at our favorite place (Nori’s – try the Nori’s Delight Sandwich – OMG yummmm).  Got home feeling rested and well-fed and Bill decides to shovel the latest snow accumulation and I decide to uncover my poor car so I can put the windshield cover on it.

Dig, dig, dig.  My car has about 10 inches of snow all over it.  I finally get it done (yay me) and am putting on the cover.  Along the left side of the car, it has not been shoveled out and it’s the edge of the driveway, so it’s also uneven.  I step into a mound of snow, the snow shifts, my ankle shifts and down I go.  Flat out. 

Fuckity-fuck.

The next 20 minutes or so are spent trying to get my fat old lady ass upright (with the intrepid aid of my wonderful husband). 

How can snow be simultaneously so hard and so soft?  I feel like I’m kneeling on ice spikes, yet every time I try to lift up, the snow sifts or slides out and I can’t get the necessary leverage (which granted is a lot) to get upright. 

Now, I’m exhausted, in so much pain and my ass feels like it is literally freezing off. 

I give up.  Call 911.  And we did.  I don’t know how long it took the responders to get there (of course, it felt like forever), but arrive they did, and they got me up (with more help from Bill) amazingly fast. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you to this woman and man, and all first responders having to spend their precious time and skills helping foolish fat old ladies like me.

Of course they wanted to take me to the hospital, but I assured them nothing was broken (not even my spirit – I have finally reached the age where there are no more fucks to be given about situations like these). 

The damage?  My right knee is very bruised.  My right arm and wrist (which already had bad tendonitis) is more painful than usual.  My back is a little wracked up.  And I have some bruises on my left knee. 

So not bad, considering. 

But here I go for another year having to explain about my last (and please God TIDBI let it be) fall to the doctor.

Shit.  But don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful that I remain in one (old and fat) piece.