(FYI WAHFR means “What a huge fucking reief”)

Okay.  Biopsy results are in. 

Can we have the envelope please?

(Drum roll)

Negative for malignancy!

Yes, both biopsies. 

My Doctor’s office called with the results – and that is what they said, “Negative for malignancy.”  I asked, “Both of them?”  And they said, “What do you mean?”  “I had two biopsies, are they both negative?”  “Are you sure?”  (Head explodes – yes, lady, I know how many holes were drilled into my boob – one tends not to forget such things!).  “Let me see …. (papers rustling). Oh – in the same breast?”  “Yes.”  “Yes, both are negative for malignancy.”  End of call.

I then realize they never told me anything else – like, then, WTF was it?

I call back.  I ask can I get a copy of the report.  Of course.  We’ll have it for you at the front desk. You have to sign an authorization. (!) We close at 5 p.m.  Um … they are ½ hour away (one way) – so that’ an hour of driving. 

Fuck me.  But okay, I would like the information – and the office is closed tomorrow.

So now I’m pissed, but I get in the car, start for Chesaning. 

Cell phone rings.  It’s Dr. Min – the guy who did the biopsies.  He asks if my doctor’s office had called and I said yes, and I said that all I know is that there’s no malignancy. Nothing else.  He says, something to the effect like, “that’s weird”.  I ask him if he will explain what is going on with my boob – and he tells me that both sites were what’s called breast fibrosis – it’s dense fibrous tissue, similar to scar tissue, that develops in some (older) women’s breasts.  Okay.  Got it.  And there is no need for any follow-up.  I’m good to go. 

Big whew.  Big sigh of relief.

So my boob may be sore, but it is simply turning into gristle. 

I can live with that.

Thank you all for listening as I went through this much unneeded adventure. 

Tomorrow my sisters and I are having lunch to celebrate the good news and to the health of this fat old ladies tough old boobies!


  1. Well done, you! You got through this one without a single felonious act caused by pain &
    frustration! Am SO glad to hear there’s no cause for concern – what you DO have is something one of my best friends has had to deal with since her breast cancer surgery 5 years ago – the pain, redness, etc. She now has a stash of pain meds & copies of the reports
    (it’s happened twice) to take with her if it happens again, because knowing what it WAS
    doesn’t make her feel better if it happens another time. So – it’s just one more little something
    from cancer, the scourge that just keeps on giving major agita, even if we ARE cancer free.
    Am sending you a very delicate little hug & hope that in your case, it NEVER happens again.
    Go forth & enjoy your old broads’ lunch.

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