(FYI WAHFR means “What a huge fucking reief”)

Okay.  Biopsy results are in. 

Can we have the envelope please?

(Drum roll)

Negative for malignancy!

Yes, both biopsies. 

My Doctor’s office called with the results – and that is what they said, “Negative for malignancy.”  I asked, “Both of them?”  And they said, “What do you mean?”  “I had two biopsies, are they both negative?”  “Are you sure?”  (Head explodes – yes, lady, I know how many holes were drilled into my boob – one tends not to forget such things!).  “Let me see …. (papers rustling). Oh – in the same breast?”  “Yes.”  “Yes, both are negative for malignancy.”  End of call.

I then realize they never told me anything else – like, then, WTF was it?

I call back.  I ask can I get a copy of the report.  Of course.  We’ll have it for you at the front desk. You have to sign an authorization. (!) We close at 5 p.m.  Um … they are ½ hour away (one way) – so that’ an hour of driving. 

Fuck me.  But okay, I would like the information – and the office is closed tomorrow.

So now I’m pissed, but I get in the car, start for Chesaning. 

Cell phone rings.  It’s Dr. Min – the guy who did the biopsies.  He asks if my doctor’s office had called and I said yes, and I said that all I know is that there’s no malignancy. Nothing else.  He says, something to the effect like, “that’s weird”.  I ask him if he will explain what is going on with my boob – and he tells me that both sites were what’s called breast fibrosis – it’s dense fibrous tissue, similar to scar tissue, that develops in some (older) women’s breasts.  Okay.  Got it.  And there is no need for any follow-up.  I’m good to go. 

Big whew.  Big sigh of relief.

So my boob may be sore, but it is simply turning into gristle. 

I can live with that.

Thank you all for listening as I went through this much unneeded adventure. 

Tomorrow my sisters and I are having lunch to celebrate the good news and to the health of this fat old ladies tough old boobies!