(FYI WAHFR means “What a huge fucking reief”)
Okay. Biopsy results are in.
Can we have the envelope please?
Negative for malignancy!
Yes, both biopsies.
My Doctor’s office called with the results – and that is what they said, “Negative for malignancy.” I asked, “Both of them?” And they said, “What do you mean?” “I had two biopsies, are they both negative?” “Are you sure?” (Head explodes – yes, lady, I know how many holes were drilled into my boob – one tends not to forget such things!). “Let me see …. (papers rustling). Oh – in the same breast?” “Yes.” “Yes, both are negative for malignancy.” End of call.
I then realize they never told me anything else – like, then, WTF was it?
I call back. I ask can I get a copy of the report. Of course. We’ll have it for you at the front desk. You have to sign an authorization. (!) We close at 5 p.m. Um … they are ½ hour away (one way) – so that’ an hour of driving.
Fuck me. But okay, I would like the information – and the office is closed tomorrow.
So now I’m pissed, but I get in the car, start for Chesaning.
Cell phone rings. It’s Dr. Min – the guy who did the biopsies. He asks if my doctor’s office had called and I said yes, and I said that all I know is that there’s no malignancy. Nothing else. He says, something to the effect like, “that’s weird”. I ask him if he will explain what is going on with my boob – and he tells me that both sites were what’s called breast fibrosis – it’s dense fibrous tissue, similar to scar tissue, that develops in some (older) women’s breasts. Okay. Got it. And there is no need for any follow-up. I’m good to go.
Big whew. Big sigh of relief.
So my boob may be sore, but it is simply turning into gristle.
I can live with that.
Thank you all for listening as I went through this much unneeded adventure.
Tomorrow my sisters and I are having lunch to celebrate the good news and to the health of this fat old ladies tough old boobies!