THIS FAT OLD LADY’S WTF WEDNESDAY – WASN’T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE EASY?

I have been intrigued by the recipes coming through my inbox for meals where you just throw everything on a cookie sheet, drizzle some olive oil over it and add spices, and toss it in the oven.

Voila!  Fabulous dinner.

Easy-peazy!

My kind of cooking!

So I finally decided to take the plunge.

I’ve been hankering for steak – so I pull out the recipe I have for:

Sheet Pan Steakhouse Dinner!

Perfect!

OMG.

What a fucking ton of work and pain in the ass this was.

Yes, I should have actually read the recipe before committing to it by buying all the ingredients.

In fact, you’d think I’d know just how much work this was when I typed the recipe into my recipe database.

You’d think.

But you’d be wrong.

This is why I type stuff into my database, because my fat old lady brain (emphasis on the old) doesn’t retain all that much –and once I’ve typed it in, I expect it to go away and leave room in my fat old lady brain for something else.

The basic prep, wasn’t bad.

Baby Yukon gold potatoes cut in half.

Trim asparagus.

Wait.

What?

Up until this moment, I had never tried to cook fresh asparagus.

I love asparagus – but as far as I am concerned, it comes in a can.

I had to actually Google how the fuck you “trim” asparagus.

Turns out it has nothing to do with tinsel or other forms of festive decorations.

You simply hold the asparagus spear and bend it until it snaps off, and throw out the end that doesn’t have those bud-thingies on it.

Who knew?

Well, now I do, and I think it’s a wonderful thing.  So fucking easy!

I love learning new and easy things.

Now, the recipe calls for 4 boneless New York strip steaks, cut ¾ to 1-inch thick.

Sadly, my supermarket did not have any New York strip steaks cut ¾ to 1-inch thick.

For some reason, my supermarket decided to specialize in only thin-cut steaks that week.

So instead I bought two beautiful New York strip steaks that were more like 1 ½ to 2-inches thick.

I also bought “Montreal steak” seasoning – whatever the fuck that is.

So, it’s Saturday night and I’m ready to throw all these bits of deliciousness onto a pan and put it into the oven and then go relax until all turns into dinner!

HA! I say.

HA HA.

Here’s the fucking recipe:

 

SHEET PAN STEAKHOUSE DINNER
1 ¾ # baby Yukon gold potatoes (about 20) cut in half lengthwise

2 T olive oil

¾ t salt

½ t pepper

¼ C butter, softened

1 T parsley

1 t thyme

1 t finely chopped garlic

1 # asparagus, trimmed

4 (1/4 # ea) boneless New York strip steaks, cut ¾ to 1 inch thick

4 t Montreal steak grill seasoning

Preheat 425 º, Pam cookie sheet

Toss potatoes in 1 T oil; ½ t salt, and ¼ t pepper.  Place on sheet pan, cut side down.  Bake on center rack 25-30 minutes or until tender.

Meanwhile, in small bowl, mix butter, parsley, thyme, garlic and remaining pepper; set aside.

In shallow bowl, mix asparagus, remaining oil and remaining salt.  Gently toss to combine.

Remove pan from oven, and transfer potatoes to plate; cover to keep warm.

Set oven to broil.

Season each of the steaks with 1 t grill seasoning; place on sheet pan.  Place sheet pan on top rack; broil steaks 5 minutes.  Remove pan from oven, turn steaks over and arrange asparagus around steaks.  Place back on top rack, and continue to broil 4-6 minutes or until steaks are desired doneness and asparagus is just tender.  Turn oven off.

Transfer steaks to cutting board.  Let rest 5 minutes.  Meanwhile, place potatoes back on pan with asparagus, and return to oven (which is turned off), 4-5 minutes or until potatoes are warm and asparagus is tender.

Place a dollop of the butter mixture on top of each of the steaks.  Serve steak and veggies together.

The length of the instructions should have been my first clue.

As you can see, first you have to prep and back the potatoes for 30 minutes.

Then you have to Google how to trim asparagus, then actually trim the asparagus, and prep it.

Take out the potatoes and remove them from the pan.

Put your Montreal steak grill seasoning onto your two too-thick steaks (still wondering WTF is this stuff) and put the steaks and asparagus on your now vacant pan.

Broil 5 minutes.

Flip the steaks and broil 5 more minutes.

Turn off the oven, put the potatoes back on the pan, and because your steaks are too thick, instead of having them rest, after you turn off the oven, leave the steaks on the pan, so they don’t wince when you stick a fork into them.

I said a hearty fuck-you to the idea of the butter mixture, because I had already invested in Montreal steak seasoning for those steaks, and imho, that is more than sufficient special attention for any piece of meat.

So you never get to relax, because once the potatoes are cooked, you have to check and/or do something every 5 fucking minutes!

And in the end, after all of that work …

It was fucking delicious.

It was so fucking delicious that I might even be convinced to do it again … some day.

Just not soon.

recipes

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