These young whipper snappers come to our law office thinking they know it all.

All law school teaches you is the law.

It does not tell you what to do with that knowledge.

And yet, every baby attorney who comes into the firm thinks they are going to teach this fat old lady how to suck eggs.

You want to know what I don’t want to hear from a baby attorney? “That’s how we did it law school.”

Really? Well, I’m pretty sure the name on your paycheck is not your law school.

I try to explain to them, there is the way you learned it and the way we do it here. You work for this firm. You are expected to abide by the firm’s rules, and that includes how we format pleadings and legal documents.

Baby attorney, fresh out of law school.

Fat old lady, 35 years as a legal secretary, paralegal, and legal word processor; and 18 years with this particular firm.

Listen and learn, baby attorneys. I am actually here to help you. I want to help you; and if you let me help you, both of our lives will be a whole lot easier. Oh, and if you piss me off, I can make your life a whole lot more miserable.

I even give them a memo on the proper care and feeding of the firm’s word processing department (which consists of one fat old lady).

Just let me do my job. It is easier for me to do it right than for me to try and fix what you have mucked up (okay, I actually use the other “ucked” word.)

If you want my job, it can open up immediately.