Well, this is embarrassing – but when has that ever stopped me before?

I pulled something in my left hip area.

Owwwww.

How did I do that? 

I’m so glad you asked.

I was sitting on the recliner in the She Cave, minding my own business, reading this strange Shirley Jackson book, when uh-oh.

Down in my lower abdomen I feel something going on. 

It’s a bubblin’ crude – and I don’t mean Black Gold or Texas Tea.  More like Taco Bell Splash or Muddy Sludge Surprise.

Now, in my advanced age, when I need to go, I NEED TO GO.  Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars, get your fat old lady ass to the toilet!

However, getting up from the recliner is not an easy task for me and my bad knee.  It often takes a number of tries. 

But I don’t have time for a number of tries.  I need to get this done.

First try and my hand slips mid push and that’s when, as my hips tried valiantly to lift my fat old lady ass out of the comfy chair, I pulled something in my hip. 

But I had no time for niceties like assessing what the fuck I’ve done to myself now, because if I don’t get moving, I KNOW what I’ll have done to myself before I get to the toilet.

So up I go again – in a desperate fight with gravity. 

And I won.  I’m up, I grab my cane and I’m on my way.  I wish I could say “like a flash” but that kind of speed is no longer in my repertoire.  I’m limping down the hall core muscles engaged and butt cheeks clenched for dear life.

And, dear readers, I made it.

Just.

But a win is a win.

And now my hip hurts like a son of a bitch. Ain’t old age grand?