Unlike Daniel Day Lewis’ left foot, my left boob cannot do amazing things (not even during it’s more pert days – who am I fooling, I’ve always been a saggy boob kind of gal).

However, my left boob has had some adventures.

As many of you know, I had breast cancer in my left boob.  Underwent surgery and radiation and, so far, all is well (thank you science).  However, during (and after) radiation, I had what is known as wet peeling.  Wet peeling is as nasty as it sounds and even more painful.

Fast forward to the present.  The last month or so, something has been going on under my left boob.  Something red, bumpy, peel-y and painful. 

First thought – chub rub.  But none of my other chubs seem to be rubbing (and for this fat old lady, that is a virtual impossibility). 

I tried cornstarch baby powder, washing with Hibiclenz (the stuff they give you to wash with pre-surgery), Aquafer left over from my wet peel (just expensive vasoline), Calendula (a herbal remedy recommended to me by Kaiser for the wet peel), and Bactinin (some kind of Neosporin-ish cream we got from the hospital once).  Nothing helped. 

So I finally gave in and went to see the doctor. 

He says it’s some kind of fungal infection. 

First, ewwwwwwww.

Second, he made this diagnosis by having me show him my underboob while he sat across the room (not sure what he thought was going to jump out at him, but kudos to him for being prepared and safety first and all that). 

And he prescribed an anti-fungal cream. 

He also suggested I use a “barrier cream”, like Aquafer, and to keep it dry.

Um. 

He wants me to smear not one but two kinds of cream under my boob and then keep it dry?

How the fuck does he expect that to work? 

Right now, I’m just going with the prescribe cream, unbarriered, and see how it goes. 

Wish me luck.