When making instant oatmeal in the microwave – ignore whatever those lying bastards are telling you on the packaging. You heat the water, add the oatmeal, stir and wait for it to thicken. Do NOT put the oatmeal into the water and then heat. The first way leads to a delicious morning treat. The second…
Okay. I had a thing done to me. I finally got my knee replacement. And it has been (and continues to be) an adventure. In case you are unaware, knee replacement is a fucking terrifying surgery. They cut off a hunk of your tibia, hammer (yes hammer) a spike into it (for the base of…
I drive a 2003 Toyota Corolla and I love that car. I can go from home to Chicago on one tank of gas. It has manual roll-down windows! That’s right. If I end up in the water, I want to be able to open my windows and get out and not be trapped because the…
Did you know that septic tanks have “grinder pumps”. (That’s something I really never ever wanted to think about – ever.) Well. They do. And ours died. I don’t know what they do. I (really, really, really) don’t want to know what they do. All I know is if your grinder pump stops working, so…
Mother of God (TIDBI). Anybody still listening to my saga of trying to get knee replacement surgery? I sure wish I could be done with rather than living this tale of epic fucked-upped-ness. Last time we saw our heroine (that would be me), her platelets had tumbled to 37. Well below the 70 that the…
The short story – my surgery was once again canceled. Want to know why? You’re going to have to read the long story: But hey – I got one step closer to surgery today! I was actually scheduled. Then the curtain went up on my own personal shit show. I went and got my blood…
Much less eating it. Do I even want to think about what “Cowboy Butter” is?
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! So my knee surgery is supposed to be tomorrow. It’s been almost a year of knee pain and while I am (was) terrified, I also wanted this done. Everybody agreed. Platelets over 50 and we’re good. Then today the anesthesiologist decided to swerve out of their fucking lane and demand my hematologist put it…
Note to self: When you go to your pre-op meeting and they hand you a booklet with 10 kinds of leg/ankle exercises; out of which 4 kinds are leg lifts of varying descriptions, and they suggest you do 20 (per leg) 3 times a day — they don’t mean kill yourself the first day trying…
(Or – don’t do your pre-op appointment with your sister because y’all think alike and there’s going to be trouble.) My sister Karon and I went to my pre-op appointment together. This is to assure that questions get asked and necessary information is garnered because between the two of us, somebody will remember to ask…
Thoughts from a Fat Old Lady 