THIS FAT OLD LADY’S ME MONDAY – EGGS

What is it with eggs?

Specifically, chicken eggs – as those are the only eggs that I have personal experience with and/or that I’m willing to talk about.

They are the only “baby” animal I will eat.

I don’t eat lamb.  I don’t eat veal.  I don’t eat babies.

Except for eggs – which, really, are only potential babies.

Just thinking about that is enough to make many people go “ewwwww”.

And I kind of agree.

Eggs are not only potentially babies, they are also potentially delicious or unspeakably gross.

I am the kind of person who cannot tolerate a soft yolk.

Nope.

Don’t want that yellow oozy stuff on my plate – and I certainly don’t want it touching anything else I plan on putting in my mouth.

And I think we can all agree undercooked egg whites are the worst.

Gack.

(If you like undercooked egg whites, please don’t tell me – I’ve already lost enough friends to politics this year.)

I mostly like my eggs scrambled – but well done scrambled – as in cook the living shit out of them because I don’t want any slimy underdone eggs.

The secret is, however, my favorite kind of eggs are poached eggs.  Poached eggs that have been cooked with a dollop of butter, like my Grandma Harris used to make them.

I used to have a frying pan with a egg poacher insert that I loved, but it has been lost to the ages.

Now I use a microwavable egg poacher.

I use it to make us homemade Egg (Mc)Muffins every Saturday morning for breakfast.

It is a bastard to deal with.  You have to cook the eggs in stages – and if you cook them too long or at too high a power level – KABOOM – you microwave is now decorated with partially cooked egg, that must be wiped up immediately before it turns into egg cement.

And speaking of which – why don’t we use eggs for building materials?  Especially partially cooked eggs, but thoroughly cooked eggs work well too (as I can attest from when I forget to clean my egg poacher right after I use it and I need to practically sand blast the fucker clean again).  That stuff is strong, binding, and lasts.

I used to like hard boiled eggs, but years of dieting have taken care of that.

You know how I like my eggs best?

Baked.

In a cake.

Yum.

eggs

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